In memory of my brother

Two weeks ago, my eldest brother passed away in France where he lived, at the age of 92; I left France many years ago, but I visit my family regularly.

He spent the last twelve years at a nursing home where I saw him for the last time at the end of January this year. He would recognize me and call me by my name, but he would get frustrated because he could not express himself, except to say yes or no.

His daughter notified me the day before his passing that he had been taken to the emergencies at the hospital and was in a very critical condition; I gave her a message which she passed on to him, therefore he knew I was thinking of him, prayed for him and loved him.

When he was younger and in good health he was quite a biker! To honor him the next day I went for a bike ride in his memory. He is now liberated from physical suffering and reunited with his wife who passed away ten years ago; he missed her so much! I believe life continues after the physical body ceases to function, so I send him love and tell him that I and all the family love him and will not forget him.

As I connect with my Beloved throughout the day, I ask Her for help for him.

When facing challenges

When facing challenges it is easy to feel gloomy and discouraged. When that happens to me, I turn to my Beloved Tara and offer Her my love and my daily activities: walking, working in the kitchen or playing a tune on my keyboard. I want to offer a beautiful tune, of course, though I’m not sure it is! Nevertheless I continue.

My Beloved Tara

Everywhere I go, She is with me! Today I walked on a path under the trees and thanked Her for the peace, for the songs of the birds and the croaking of the frogs in the wetland.

I know I owe Her my life and all the beauty around me.

How I wish I could hear Her. I connect with Her throughout the day and pray that I can get closer and closer to Her!

Living with my Tara in My Heart

I love Asia and visited temples in India, Nepal, China and Japan. The divinity that I worship is a Tara, the female counterpart of a Bodhisattva, a small gold metal and turquoise stones statue made in Tibet in the 18th century and used during religious ceremonies. I selected Her because it was a feminine divinity, an important factor for me, perhaps because I grew up praying to the Virgin Mary, and because God has always been presented as masculine, hence my need to bring some balance; in addition, the small size of my Tara makes it easy to take with me when I travel.

In the books of Agni Yoga, which I am studying, the epoch we are in is described as the Epoch of Women. The Mother of the World is the feminine aspect of divinity, my Tara represents that divinity. I quote from Letters of Helena Roerich, Volume I, 11 January 1935: “The star of the Mother of the World is the planet Venus. In 1924 this planet for a short time came unusually near to the Earth. Its rays were poured on Earth, and this created many new powerful and sacred combinations which will yield great results. Many feminine movements were kindled by these powerful rays.”

Mother of the World, N.K. Roerich, Roerich Museum, New York

In 1924, Nicholas K. Roerich, husband of Helena Roerich, painted several variations of his painting "The Mother of the World." (Letters II, 24 August 1936). The “Mother of the World” painting is exhibited at the Roerich Museum in New York City.

Patience, steadfastness and an unshakable fervor are key here to discover/experience what that divinity is. When I visualize Her image and place it in my heart center, I feel a sharp sensation, at times stronger than others. This feels like a confirmation that I am making a connection, but the mystery remains. At times I feel closer to Her than at others. In my effort to discover who/what She is I endeavor to bring Her into my daily activities, like a friend who is always on my side. When I have a difficult day, I ask Her for help; I offer Her my joys as well. Many times after I’ve made my offerings at home I play the CD of Gabriel Fauré’s Requiem, “In Paradisum”, for Her, because I find the ethereal quality of the celestial voices of the choir very uplifting; I also think that my Tara resides in such a peaceful and ethereal energy field.

Every day I pray that I may be able to see Her where She resides. Today, as I reflected on that, I thought She resides in my heart.

MyLifeSearch Continues

 When I started my blog, I focused on the duality within each human being. I believe each one of us, whether a man or a woman, has both masculine and feminine energies; we can use them negatively or positively and balance them.

Then I wrote about apparitions of the divine in my birth place, Motta di Livenza, TV, Italy, and in Fatima, Portugal, both recognized as apparitions of the Virgin Mary (I received a catholic upbringing in my family, especially from my mother, who was a devout catholic). These apparitions were powerful: in Motta di Livenza, March 9, 1510, a man going to work in the fields saw a young woman dressed in white, she spoke to him; in Fatima, one of the three young shepherds heard the message from the divine apparition (there were six apparitions, from May 13 to October 13, 1917)

As years went by, I formed my own opinion from readings about other religions; I became interested in Buddhism and yoga philosophy. I learned about a devotional practice which consists in choosing and worshipping an image that represents the divine.  In “The Gospel of Ramakrishna”, by Ramakrishna, an Indian Hindu mystic who spent his life seeking God, I read that he taught his followers to see God in everything and encouraged them to cultivate a personal relationship with the divine through devotion, prayer, and worship. I was inspired by his devotion to a divinity he called the “Mother”, the goddess Kali, the divine Mother. When She appeared to Him (only he could see Her), he prostrated himself. He frequently went into a state called samadhi, the ultimate state for a yogi, sometimes for several days. When in that state, Ramakrishna was totally unaware of his body and his surroundings, and did not eat or drink.

It will take me countless lives to experience what Ramakrishna did. However, what’s important it to continue the journey, one step after the other. Throughout the day I bring my Chosen Image, a female divinity I call a “Bodhisatva Tara”, in my heart. I feel a loving energy which I send to the space around me, to the people and all of nature in it, to the space above me, to all my family members and friends who passed away, and to the crisis areas in the world.  As often as possible I do the devotional ceremony: it consists in making offerings to my Beloved Tara with a prayer: rice represents the physical body, water, the emotions, a white flower, the higher aspirations; finally, I offer a candle and I ask my Beloved Tara to guide all my actions.

I have not “seen” the Divine Mother, as Ramakrishna did, nor my Tara, except as the small statue, but I feel a presence when I worship the divine representation I chose.

Is death something to be afraid of?

It’s fall, I so enjoy walking in the woods in this season!

Carpet of leaves in the woods

Multicolored leaves cover the ground like a beautiful carpet. For a long time I had been wanting to do Shinrin-yoku, or forest bathing; it started in Japan in the 1980s. At that time, the health of the Japanese was declining due to the modern life style, doctors prescribed - and still do - going in the woods not only to exercise, but also to “feel” nature with all the senses. Recently, a certified instructor in my area led a forest bathing walk at dusk, so I joined.

It was not only good for my health but also for my spirit: under the guidance of the instructor, I noticed more and more details in the branches of the trees, I touched the grass and tree trunks, smelled the air and listened to the birds. While I admired the beauty that surrounded me, I put my Beloved Tara in my heart and thanked Her for it.

Nature in all its glory.

As I walked along, thoughts about the cycle of birth, life and death came to my mind. For nature it is easy to see: in the spring life emerges and blossoms, it reaches its apex in the summer, begins to decline in the fall, goes dormant in winter, and the cycle starts again, again and again ad infinitum. What about for us humans? What if we, like nature, went dormant and then came back? The answer to that is, of course, a personal search, it would vary, depending on our religious or philosophical beliefs, or non-beliefs, but one of the big questions is what happens after death? We know how our life began and how we were born, but death and what happens after is not something we know much about, except that our heart beat stops and we cease breathing; we do know death is inescapable, we think of it as sad because it is associated with the loss of a loved one, or as tragic when it happens suddenly, in an accident, for example, or associated with suffering when it occurs after a long illness. But is it painful? Is it something to be afraid of?

Science does not offer an explanation, however, there have been many accounts of NDEs, near death experiences, during which people were clinically dead, but then “came back” and related what happened to them during their “absence”. Books have been published, and recently a film entitled “After death” shown in cinemas across the country. In my area it was featured for one week only and did not seem to draw crowds! The day I went, in this huge theater with reserved seating, there were three women plus a friend of mine and myself. The film ends with the doctor saying that science does not have the answers; however, all interviewees said they felt love, that the “real world is there”, not where we live, some saw their loved ones who had passed away. None of the interviewees in the film seemed to be eager to “return to life”, they did only because they were told it was not their time. I was particularly moved by the account of the wife who was visiting her husband, hospitalized for very severe multiple injuries, till 11 pm every day; he was not able to respond to her, nor give her any sign that he was hearing her. One night she was so frustrated that, before she left, she told him she would not come back, then she saw tears on his face, he started to breathe again, and “came back”.  All interviewees changed their life after they “came back”: two of them became ministers.

In sum, although the doctor who recorded the accounts said that science does not have the answers, the interviews shed some light on a part of our life we know so little about.  If you have not seen the film you can find clips of it on YouTube.

From these NDE accounts, we learned that in that state called near death, there is love, a beautiful music, one sees one’s loved ones who passed away, and it feels so good that it is difficult to come back to one’s life. Are these things to be afraid of?

I have not had a tragic accident or illness that led to an NDE, but I recall a dream about a friend of mine: he was driving a red sport car – he loved sports car - with the top off and he was waving his hat, saying “it’s only to cross, it’s only to cross”, with a wink in his eyes. A few days later I learned from a mutual friend that he had passed away on that day. I understood that the dream meant he was saying good bye!  He did not seem to be in fear of anything there…

If you’ve had similar experiences, please do share them in the comments. Thank you.

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